I was perusing the internet looking for poker sites to play on during the week, for when I can’t play with my mates at the weekend, and I stumbled across an article on the psychology of poker. It has improved my game no end. I thrashed my mates at the weekend, making myself quite a bit of profit. Dr Paul Seager from the University of Lancashire – who is a keen poker player who throws in the occasional crossword – has written at length at this most beautiful of religiously immoral games.
Anyone who has played poker knows it’s all in the bluff … or is it? Well, no. Apparently. There is a lot more to it than that. There’s a strategy and something called the Meta Game, dum dum dah! Sounds more interesting than it is. It’s the ‘game within a game’ it’s the idea that you know your own strategy inside out and you learn your opponents strategies. You can’t just play the cards your dealt – you must play the cards your opponents are dealt, also. The Doc goes into great detail about this in the article as well as the true ins and outs of the game.
I was a bit of a joke in the poker world, if I’m honest. I was the punch line to all of my mates’ jokes. Normally ’cause I giggle as soon as I get a good hand and look exasperated when I get dealt crud. Anyway, last night they were in for a shock. I destroyed them, I spanked them so hard their wives felt it, Mr Blonde’s (I will protect their identities, to save them the shame) unborn kid felt it. Mr Pink smashed one of my plates that had formerly housed Doritos as he has so angered by my new found poker prowess. It’s not cheating – it’s playing the game. Most of my friends have now abandoned me though, leaving me alone at my laptop writing this, crying into my coffee. So use your new found poker powers for good and not evil (by embarrassing your friends so badly they cry like little girls).
I could share my secrets with them, but then I’d be back to being as useful as a human appendix. No, I will, knowledge should be shared. I suppose I can put up with the nights of cruel mocking and the hurtful taunts … nah! Screw ’em. I’m the poker king.
I suppose I can just play online poker instead – but then I doubt whether my nefarious poker plots will work as well against machines. There are some great online poker sites out there, just be careful that you don’t over gamble. Mr White, one of the guys teetered on the edge of danger, when he started gambling online. Just be careful and don’t become absorbed by it.
Live Long Under the Poker King!